“I hate going to the school , and you are sending me to school so I hate you too.” These sentences we hear from our children occasionally. And a parent within us breaks down by just thinking that my child hates me!
We work hard to raise our children, to nurture them, to educate them and above all we love them. Children are integral and the most important aspect of ourselves. It is difficult to hear this as a parent. It’s disheartening and frustrating!! Anger is a normal emotion and it is useful at times. However, you need to keep a track that your child`s anger would not transform in aggression. You may be thinking what can be done when my child is angry? Or how should I deal with my child`s anger?
Let us have a look at few strategies that would help you to deal with your child`s anger.
- Do not judge your child for being angry
- Discuss with your child that anger is a normal emotion, and its ok to be angry. You can help to release anger through activities, for e.g you can give a name to anger and try drawing it. For e.g you can draw volcano or angry bird or any object that depict anger.
- Find triggers for anger
- Work together with your children and try to find out what triggers the anger. Make child learn to recognize the early warning signs of anger. Discuss few strategies to deal with anger. You can encourage a child to count backward 0-10 or just to walk away from the situation, or listen to the music etc. When you recognize the signs of anger give your children gentle reminder that anger is peaking up. This will help them to recognize and give chance to plan some strategies or introspect.
- Specify Goal
- When you are working together with your child , try to agree on few goals. Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement can be used to monitor child`s anger. Give some reinforcers if a child reaches the goal.
- Praise your child
- Praising always provokes positive emotions and it enhances self confidence in children. Praise your child efforts to reduce his/her anger, no matter how small.
Recognizing your child`s anger
- Verbal outburst
- Hitting out
- Facial expression
- Tensed body
- Clenched fists
There are various expressions of anger. Some may not talk at all, some may verbally express anger, and others may just throw thing, or damage toys, books.
Working on our angry feelings will always help to reduce the intensity of the anger, it becomes easier to deal with situations that trigger anger. Helping your children to acknowledge feelings will contribute to their psychological well-being, and they will grow healthy emotionally.
Calm Parenting : Anger Management in Childre and Teens (Debbie Pincus)